外语优秀作文评析

外语教学:优秀作文评析

    随着越来越多的工厂创建、生产引发出的环境污染问题，造成的各种经济案件等经常被媒体报导，请根据以下材料写一份报导。

 

 

生产部门	造成的经济损失	污染情况	时间
某家化工厂	50万人民币	给河水带来重污染	1998 .3
某家造纸厂	10万人民币	河水被污染	2000 .6
某家私营药厂	15万人民币	饮用水被污染	2000 .8

　　【学生习作】

The Pollution Question 　　As we all know human beings are facing a problem. That is pollution question. From the details we can clearly see the river is polluted by the waste water. 　　There are three different factories that polluted the river and drinking water. One produces medicine, which was founded and managed by private. The other two were ① managed by government. They all made mistakes. The fields were polluted. Peasant ② got nothing. They had no money to live without fields. 　　The more serious ③ is that drinking water was polluted, too. Many people are ill and sent to hospitals. Some of them are in trouble. 　　From 1998 to 2000 is very short. During these three years accidents happened. Don’t we need to think it ④ over. Are we awoken? Can we tolerate this condition? No, we can’t. We must change the circumstance around us to pay more attention to the pollution question.

①were 应该改为 are , 因为这些厂现在仍然由政府部门管理，属于国营企业。 　　② peasant 应该用复数，在这里农民是一个泛指，不具体单指某一个农民，而是指农民们。 　　③serious 只是一个形容词，它后边应该紧跟一个被修饰的词，最好是question. 　　④It 应改为them.这里代指这些企业的事故。

　　【名师点评】
　　根据上述提供的材料，有三家工厂出现了程度不同的污染事件，且经济损失总计高达75万元，给国家的财产和人民群众的生活带来极大的损失和伤害。站在这一点上，请写短文报导，以引起人们特别的重视和关注，减少不必要的损失，严防污染。写作时时态用一般现在时，有时要用被动语态。

　　文章整体结构合理，描述正确，表达清楚，语言流畅，虽然有几处小错误，但短文报导的客观、具体，特别是最后一句话 We must change the circumstance around us to pay more attention to the pollution question。显示了作者的一种积极的生活态度，值得学习和借鉴。 中小学教育资源站（http://www.edudown.net）原创文章，未经原作者同意，严禁转载！